So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
