I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
kristin has been a bad kristin
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize