I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
