There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
