You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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