Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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