one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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