not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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