I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
