if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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