I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
