If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
