and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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