And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
