Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
