Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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