I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
