Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
try to milk me bitch
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
