she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
