this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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