You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
