We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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