there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
