Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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