He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
