if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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