1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everclear isn't food dammit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
