Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
