Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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