I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
