is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
