I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
