Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everything about him screamed your future.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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