yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
