Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
