Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize