All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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