Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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