Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
