yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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