the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
