but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
