broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
