this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
