yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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