So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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