I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize