I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
