She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
