He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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