Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
