I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize