at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize