Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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