I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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