Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
