I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
