they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
