does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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