Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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