I just saw a hot homeless man
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
