Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize