So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
did i just pee glitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
