READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
